Monday, 15 June 2009

Let’s Do It!

I've just noticed that this is my 100th posting. I'm not exactly a prolific Blogger. I tend to post when I have something to say or to share. So here's what I have to say today and to share with you.

I’m suffering from post holiday blues as you so often do when forcing yourself to adjust to reality. The reality of being like a hamster in a treadmill, shopping, washing, ironing, cleaning the bathroom, hoovering, cooking, clearing up and so on and so on.....

For some reason it feels worse than when I had to go back to work after a holiday. Well I did like my job, I don't like housework!!!!

So I need a laugh!

My motto is, "When in need of a laugh, watch Victoria Wood!"

So here’s one of my all time favourites, The Ballad of Barry and Freda, Let’s Do It!

Look out for a very young, curly haired, Julie Walters in the audience.

The Ballad of Barry and Freda - Victoria Wood




Just in case you can't understand all of the lyrics, here they are:

Freda and Barry sat one night.
The sky was clear.
The stars were bright.
The wind was soft.
The moon was up.
Freda drained her cocoa cup.
She licked her lips.
She felt sublime.
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said:

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling
Appealing
I've really got an appetite.
I'm on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I don't believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.
No derision!
My decision
I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.
This folly
Is jolly.
Bend me over backwards on me hostess trolley.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Me 'eavy breathing days have gone.
I'm older,
Feel colder.
Other things that turn me on.
I'm imploring:
I'm boring.
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said:
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Have a crazy night of love!
I'll strip bare.
I'll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove.
Don't starve a Girl of a palaver.
Dangle from the wardrobe in your balaclava.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said:
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I know I'd only get it wrong.
Don't angle
For me to dangle.
Me arms 'ave never been that strong.
Stop pouting.
Stop shouting.
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Share a night of wild romance,
Frenetic,
Poetic!
This could be your last big chance
To quote Milton,
To eat Stilton,
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I've got other little jobs on hand.
Don't grouse
Around the house.
I’ve got a busy evening planned.
Stop nagging.
I'm flagging.
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it
While I'm really in the mood!
Three cheers!
It's years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.
Be drastic
Gymnastic.
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I must refuse to get undressed.
I feel silly.
It's too chilly
To go without me thermal vest.
Don't choose me.
Don't use me.
Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I feel I absolutely must.
I won't exempt you,
Want to tempt you,
Want to drive you mad with lust.
No cautions,
Just contortions!
Smear an avocado on me lower portions.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's really not my cup of tea.
I'm harassed,
Embarrassed.
I wish you hadn't picked on me.
No dramas!
Give me me pyjamas.The only girl
I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to run amok.
Let's wiggle.
Let's jiggle.
Let's really make the rafters rock.
Be mighty.
Be flighty.
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to rant and rave.
Let's go,
'Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave:
Not bleakly,
Not meekly.
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

Victoria Wood

16 comments:

  1. This is my favourite one too! I nearly wet myself with laughter when I first saw it. It was just so funny and at the time, quite daring lol

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  2. This was hilarious! Thank God I wasn't eating anything....I may have choked to death!

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  3. Oh! boy that is a good one.
    I did a post for you on "Old Glory"
    Patsy

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  4. That video is hilarious Winifred! Love it! 8-)

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  5. Hilarious. Thanks for sharing this. You always do come up with the best videos!

    I'm sorry you're feeling blue about being back to the old grind.

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  6. I love this and still remember the first time I saw Victoria Wood performing it. I laughed and laughed, she is one of the greats. Congtratulations on reaching 100 (if you see what I mean). A x

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  7. Gday Winifred. This was very funny. I had just sat down with a cuppa and had to swallow before I laughed,,

    The same thing was happening to me with my photo's when I resized to a smaller size, lately im been doing them a little larger, maybe that stopped my problem..heres hoping.I use Microsoft office picture manager to resize

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  8. Dear Winifred ~~ Congratulations on
    your 100th post. Well done. I like the Barry and Freda.

    I am glad you liked the Tailgater joke. I saw the blogger notice, but had no idea where PDT time meant.
    It said it would only be for 10 minutes, so eventually I got it.
    Take care, my friend, Love, Merle.

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  9. I'd never heard of Virginia Wood etc. But this was hilarious, I have a brother to mail this too. He'll have a coronary laughing, so maybe I won't have this brother for long...but he'll die laughing as I almost did!!!

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  10. I haave never heard that! Is that how you are feeling ??

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  11. That was a riot!!! I had never seen this woman perform before nor have I ever hear that ballad before!!! You are a hoot!!! LOL LOL LOL You made my day today with that big chuckle!!!!

    ((( HUGS )))

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  12. Really a good one..... Congratulations on
    your 100th post. Well done.

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  13. haha, funny poem, writing.... congrats on the 100th post...

    thanks for the visit, I will enjoy my trip, I will! yeah....need to get away from here and get a change of scenery.

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  14. Hi Winifred,

    I've never seen or heard of her before. She's a riot. Good idea for a Friday night.

    ~hippo hugs~

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  15. Hi again Winifred ~~ Thanks for your
    comments, and my earache has gone, thankfully. I am so glad you enjoy the jokes I post and get a good laugh
    The greeter was good, the Boots one was funny and poor Norma. I was very
    surprised no one seemed to recognize
    George Clooney and Brad Pitt, actors
    considered God's gift.

    Take care my friend, Love, Merle.

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  16. Morning Winifred, About the comment I made about being allowed to teach the Gospel...well Sparrow wrote a comment under yours that pretty much says 'it all'. Could you pop over and read her comment please...and yes, our American freedom's are being stripped away rapidly. Legislature is being passed all the time. I just called my congressmen the other week to ask them to vote no on a bill that would actually allow degrees of leniency for child molesters and people that propagate (very boldly) marriages/relationships in which the 'couple' are not male and female. Some of these things are not really in the news in an upfront way. The things tacked 'on' to bills being pushed thru our Senate and so on. Our 'stimulus' package idea is crazy. It seems we are on a sinking ship financially over here with a President who says we are not a Christian nation etc etc. We did not vote for him! I am thankful my hope is in God himself for the future. About your poem...I am a bit shy about that topic...smile. Its cute though...from what I read..'wink'*

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